Eternally
by AznSage
Summary: A songfic based on Utada Hikaru's "Eternally" from the album "Distance." No, I don't own the song. The lyrics are in italics and the translation is in parentheses.


Eternally

[Heero]   
_me no mae ni iru kimi ga sukoshi kagayaki   
mawari ga mienai   
watashi-tachi wa doko ni iru no_   
(Before my eyes, you give off a little shine   
I can't see anything else around me   
Where are we?)   
[Trowa]   
Duo fell asleep in his arms that night. His usual green tanktop was stained by telltale tears. He hadn't even noticed that Wufei, Quatre, and I were watching from the doorway. You could tell by the look in his eyes that there was concern.   
Why was this all happening? A few months ago, Heero and I left on a mission and he didn't say good-bye to Duo. At least not one that Duo remembered well. I had kissed good-bye to my angel and waited for him. We were almost going to be off schedule so I went to check on him. He was sitting on the side of their bed and he gently placed a kiss Duo's forehead. Duo is a heavy sleeper but he never misses a touch from Heero. He woke up.   
"Where are you going, koi?"   
"On a mission." He had tried to keep the tears in, I could see. But he failed.   
"Don't cry koi. I know you'll be back."   
"Yeah. Right. I'll be back." Heero was the Perfect Soldier, not the perfect liar. Duo knew that. Who was he trying to fool then? Himself. But Duo trusted him. At least a half awake Duo did. God, if he had been awake completely at that moment, he would've realized that Heero may never come back. This was one of those mission that would help end the war. And possibly your life.   
A few weeks later, I came back alone. No Heero. No signs of Heero. Nothing. I had purposely infiltrated the base a few more times to find him. Still nothing. Duo practically collapsed that night.   
But back to the present. Heero came back. After four months. They said that he was captured and executed. But you could never exceute Heero Yuy. He escaped after so long and the first thing he did was find himself back in the familiar embrace of his angel. He didn't eat, didn't drink, didn't go to the bathroom, didn't change, didn't take a shower. He just found Duo and the two of them collapsed onto each other, crying.   
Yeah, I know that the Perfect Soldier and Death crying are strange. But I think you would cry too if you had just seen your lover after four long months of thinking they had fogotten. And it hurts horribly when your heart tortures you. But you can never forget this kinda thing. It exists there forever. It's eternal. I reached my arm around Quatre and pulled him closer. He gave me one of his angelic smiles, his innocence.   
God, I don't even know how lucky I am. I pulled Quatre possesively closer. Hn. I'm such a coward.   
I watched Heero again. He's so quiet but you can always hear everything he says. "Where are we, koi?" He whispered into Duo's ear. He gently pulled the sleeping Duo closer. "Where do angels cry?" 

[Heero]   
_zawameki hajimeta haikei no naka ni   
mada kienai de ne   
mou nan ni mo kikoenai   
But I can feel you breathe_   
(Please, don't disappear yet into the background   
that's started to bustle with noise   
I can't hear anything anymore   
But I can feel you breathe)   
[Quatre]   
It's morning. The warm breath of my lover gently touched my pale skin. I turn over to find Trowa awake. Who could sleep after last night though? I didn't intend to sleep but I could never last that long. I was a morning person, not a night person. I didn't even have good night vision. I started to get up to go take a shower but I got pulled back. A light tug on my sleeve.   
"Don't go koi."   
"I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be by your side." I brushed my lips lightly by his. He was afraid, afraid of losing me. I knew, I always knew these types of things. I could feel everything he felt.   
Outside, a plate broke on the floor. Then shuffling of footsteps and a thump. Then nothing. My ears stopped listening to the world when I started to drown in the intense green gaze of Trowa.   
The only thing I could hear was a silent "Aishiteru, Quatre." as I walked into the shower. 

[Heero]   
_odoroku hodo kimagure na tenkai ni sukoshi dake   
watashi rashikunai kitai wo oh oh shite'ru_   
(It's not like me, but just a little,   
I'm hoping for a suprisingly whimsical development)   
[Wufei]   
For once, I actually wanted to hear it. I actually wanted to hear the sounds of their love-making this once. It ensured that everything was okay with the world. Not like the bitter-sweet events that occurred last night. Made everything better but Duo was still not getting over Heero being away for so long and then coming back. Heero wasn't going to get over it soon either. He had a burden on his heart, he felt responsible for making Duo almost go nuts without him.   
It's surprising that I'm the one in this house who has not cried yet. But that is because I lash out instead of embrace it. Afterall, I'm only human. They wouldn't have minded if I cried once in while. Oh Meiran, how I wish that I could act like them once in a while. But I'm a coward. I refuse to cry and I run from my feelings. I'm not human. The plate I was washing fell to the floor.   
Hn. Looks like I finally admitted it. I'm not a big a coward as I thought I was. I turn to go my room and find some bandages before I pick up the pieces.   
As I pass by Heero and Duo's room, which was next to mine, I could hear Heero softly whispering something to Duo, the same thing again and again. And I could hear Duo always saying "I know." behind stiffeld sobs. Then I realize what that was without having to hear it. Heero had said "Aishiteru Duo." He must have. I quickened the pace to my room to find the bandages. 

[Heero]   
_I wanna be here eternally   
kono mama mitsumeatte itai   
I can feel you close to me   
itsu made mo soba ni wa irarenai   
kono shunkan dake wa zutto eien ni_   
(I wanna be here eternally   
I want to stay like this, gazing at each other   
I can feel you close to me   
I can't stay by your side forever   
This moment alone will forever be, eternally)   
[Duo]   
"It's true. You won't always be here." It was four o'clock in the morning and the sun came up. That's how it is in the summer when you're on Earth.   
"What?" He looked at me like he didn't know what I was talking about. I had surprised him with my words. I bet he hadn't expected for me to say that.   
"One day, we'll leave for a mission and we may never come back." I could feel my eyes fill up with tears. "And we'll never be together again."   
"That's not true koi." He wiped away my falling tears with his fingers and gazed into my soul. Those cobalt eyes, always comforting. "I'll keep myself alive for you." And he kissed me. "And you alone."   
I started crying again. These days, I just couldn't stop myself. Afterall, it's been four months.   
"Aishiteru Duo." He started to rock me back and forth to calm me.   
"I know."   
And this went on for hours. At around what I think was seven, I thought I saw Wufei in the corner of my eye watching us. 

[Heero]   
_tatakai ni dekakeru mae no hitoyasumi   
anata to sugoshitai   
yakusoku wa kondo aeta toki ni   
Can you hear me breathe?_   
(This little break before I leave for battle...   
I want to spend it with you   
Our promise was for the next time we'd see each other   
Can you hear me breathe?)   
[Wufei]   
I found the bandages and began to wrap my hands as I walked back to the kitchen. As I passed by Heero and Duo's room, I could still hear them saying it. Except, there was a change this time.   
"Aishiteru, Duo."   
"Aishiteru, Heero."   
I dropped the bandages on the floor and it produced a little thump. None of us had noticed it. Is that how it is Meiran? When you finally realize it and admit it, that you will find your release? Your reason to live? Your reason to breathe?   
I once promised that I would see you again, like Heero has always promised that he would come back Duo. We both do it in secret, but now, it's better for everyone to know. The day I can be released from the bondage of the war, I will spend it with you. I understand now.   
But isn't it ironic that I have to stop breathing to see you again when you are the reason I breathe? Hn. 

[Heero]   
_odoroku hodo de wa nai tenkai ni mo   
kandou shichau toki ga dare ni datte oh oh aru_   
(Everyone has times when they're moved   
by developments which aren't suprising)   
[Duo]   
"Don't go."   
"Shh. You need to rest." He laid me down gently on the bed and I saw the look of worry in his eyes.   
"I'm sorry."   
"Shh. Don't be sorry. This was my fault." He softly stroked my bangs and brushed them away from my face. That look, one that I saw only for me. "I'm sorry."   
"Aishiteru, koi."   
"Shh. Go to sleep." He sat by my bed the whole time. When my eyes finally gave up and closed, I could feel his weight shifting closer to me and stroking my hair again.   
I wasn't very sure in my half awake state but I thought I could feel hot tears hitting my face. 

[Heero]   
_I wanna be here eternally   
dare ni mo mitsukaranai tokoro ni   
I can see you're all I need   
ashita made tasuke wa iranai   
kono shunkan sae mo kitto just a fantasy_   
(I wanna be here eternally   
Somewhere where no one can find us   
I can see you're all I need   
I don't need rescuing until tomorrow   
Even this moment is surely just a fantasy)   
[Quatre]   
I quickly came back out from my shower. The water had felt good against my restless frame. Trowa was still laying there. He hadn't moved an inch. He just stared at the space opposite to where the bathroom door was and hadn't noticed me come out until the floor boards creaked.   
"Are you thinking about that again?" I asked as softly as I could, trying not to disturb the quiet solitude that seem to hang over the room.   
He nodded. I went over to him and sat up by his side on the bed. "May I?" He nodded again and took his shirt off to reveal scars of his past sins.   
"Let me cry for you." He hesitated and finally nodded. I slowly and carefully kissed each scar on his back. As if magic, they were forgotten and healed once again, or at least until the next time.   
We never did this often anymore, we were usually quite happy with life, living from moment to moment in or undying love. But ever since Duo lost Heero, we treasured everything just that much more. The past seems like ages ago, and four months seems like an eternity. That's how life is without love huh? Well then, Heero and Duo must not have had much before each other.   
That must be the reason why they treasure each other so much. Because they know that every moment can be an illusion, but the thing that would be real forever is their love.   
The silence in our room was broken by a low "Aishiteru, koi." 

[Heero]   
_I can feel you close to me   
ano basho ni kaerenaku natte mo   
ima no kimochi dake wa zutto eien_   
(I can feel you close to me   
Even if we can't go back to that place again   
These feelings I have now; they alone will forever be eternal)   
[Trowa]   
"Let me cry for you." I wasn't sure if I should burden Quatre with my past, my misdeeds. But I knew that this is the thing that sets us apart. My past. Ah, if I could just learn to forget it and live in the present. I nodded.   
I could feel his lips and his tears, each stinging a bit on contact. How could an angel learn to love something like me? How could I allow such perfection to be marred by me?   
But that must be why he is doing this, to cleanse me. I can feel my eyes starting to water but I stop them. I have always tried to stay calm in moments such as these.   
I broke the silence that loomed over us. "Aishiteru, koi."   
He stopped. I thought he froze from hearing it. He leaned in close to me and whispered "Aishiteru, koi. Zutto."   
And he sealed it with a soft kiss on my cheek. 

[Heero]   
_I wanna be here eternally   
I can see you are all I need   
kono shunkan dake wa eien ni_   
(I wanna be here eternally   
I can see you are all I need   
This moment alone will be, eternally)   
I had finally gotten Duo calm enough to go to sleep. It was almost twelve. Everyone else was already awake. But I still sat there staring at the angelic face that laid before me. His face was still wet from tears. Not from him though. But from me.   
"Aishiteru, zutto."   
Slowly, a flicker of violet came to his eyes. "Aishiteru, zutto." He closed his eyes again.   
And for the second time that day, I cried. 

-Owari- 


End file.
